Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Not So Independent Day....
Back when I was in college started working on my "life story", but what do you know about life when you are 20? I worked on story for months, and it actually turned into a mini book of sorts (if I could only find the disk). Sure, you go through lots of changes as a teenager, but my life has always been different than your average person's. When I was 8 years old became ill. It took months of night sweats, fevers, stomach aches and weight loss before finally being diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.
I remember the moment when I knew I was "different". I was 8 and my brother Mark was 4. I was on Spring Break in Long Boat Key, Florida and had a slight mishap... OK It was 3am, I was on the toilet and was screaming bloody murder because, well, I saw BLOOD. A whole toilet bowl of bright red blood. I was reassured that bright red blood was a "good" thing. What? Ya, I didn't really buy it either. Remember that moment, Mom & Dad? From then on, I turned into an angry child, to adolescent to teenager. Sometimes those inner demons even come out every now and then.
Months go on, I get my ears pierced, turn nine and go back to school after a summer of fevers and fright. It's picture day at school and of course I have my first appointment with Dr. Kirschner, my new gastroenterologist. My class said they would wait until the end of the day to see if I could make in back in time for pictures. Unfortunately I missed out on the fun at school. Oh boy, did I have a fun day of my own! Who wouldn't want a hose up their ass and IV's in each of their hands?! At least by the end of the day I had a diagnosis and medication. We also discovered that my doctor went to med school with my uncle and actually remembered my mom as a teenager! Small world. It gave comfort to a scary situation.
Fast forward to age 16. My mom and I go for my annual checkup with a new doctor. He's a gastroenterologist, so I trust him, I have no reason not to. He tells us that because I haven't had many problems with my disease that the remainder of my life should continue without incident. OH BOY was he wrong! I don't think I have time to get into it all now...I'll get there.
So, as I celebrated Independence day yesterday, I was tortured with thoughts of trips to the emergency room, multiple hospitalizations and past surgeries. July 4, 2008, technically July 5th, my husband had to rush me to the ER, but only after he lit off fireworks for everyone (that was my request). I knew something was wrong right before dinner, but didn't want to ruin things for everyone. I had our family and friends over. Of course I didn't want my stomach to get in the way. Plus, I knew that they wouldn't let me eat in the hospital... and for those who know me, eating is one of my favorite things! It slowly became my least favorite pastime. It was so painful that I was barely able to digest ice cream.
As I sit here at my computer, I'm still a bit pained by the memories of last summer. I know my situation is totally different that last year... I have fantastic doctors, a wonderful family and friends and had surgery last September that "fixed" my ongoing problems......FOR NOW. I live in constant fear that one day I will wake up and feel as bad as I did as an 8 year old. I've experienced this three times since then. I just need to learn to take one day at a time... XO
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