Too Terrified to Travel

Your 20's should be the prime time of your life. Finishing college, traveling, delving into a new career, getting married, having babies. It all sounds amazing doesn't it? I finished college, got married and started a new career (mind you NOT in the field I went to school for). One thing was missing (well, several things, but we won't go there now). Traveling. I was too ill during college to do much in the way of traveling. The 4 plus years I was in school, I think I flew once. It was to Philadelphia when my grandfather passed away. I was 19 and pretty sick, but Prednisone seemed to keep me feeling pretty well.

As I started to plan our Spring Break trip to DC, it hit me like a ton of bricks; I'm 33 and haven't traveled the world, let alone the US! Hell, I haven't even been to DC, San Fran, Baltimore. Let alone Paris, Venice, Israel, Spain, Australia or London. In the past ten years I can probably count on both hands where I've been. It's not that I haven't wanted to travel, I've been too afraid to. I'm not scared to fly, car rides actually are relaxing to me. For the longest time I worried that I would be too far away from my doctors and something terrible would happen. I would need emergency surgery, I'd feel sick and not feel well enough to enjoy my travels, I'd be on a cruise in the middle of the ocean and would need to be airlifted to shore and flown home immediately. It may sound silly to the average Joe, but to someone like me, who's 20's started out with 6 minor surgeries, followed by 3 major surgeries, I was too afraid to leave my comfort zone.

In 2008 Brad and I planned to marry that Spring and had an amazing honeymoon in the works- a cruise in through the Caribbean! We had paid for it in January, planning to set sail from Florida in May. Instead, we married in February and I ended up with an all expenses paid trip to the hospital in April. We had to cancel our planned paradise.  Luckily we got a refund, but we never did get to take a honeymoon, or even a little getaway. We spent our money on other things, like trying to fix up our home and expanding our family (without success).

April of last year was the first time I have taken a vacation in many years.  In my whole adult life, I've never been able to take a whole week off, aside from the times I've been sick or in the hospital. Of course Brad and I have taken trips; driven to St. Louis to visit my family for a long weekend or Chicago to see my parents for a couple days, but I'm talking VACATION, vacation. We took a week off and flew to LA to visit my brother for an entire week. I was terrified to make the plane reservation. What would happen if I got sick between booking the flight and traveling to LA? I had to let go of that feeling. The trip was amazing on so many levels. I got to spend a whole week with Brad, who I barely see for a total of 5 minutes per day, in passing, as I walk in the door from work and he leaves to go to work. We stayed with my brother, Mark, and his then girlfriend, now fiance, Sara and spent lots of time relaxing with them. We ate amazing food, saw gorgeous palm trees, and enjoyed fantastic weather. It was amazing. I suddenly felt free. Free of my fears that I was going to be stranded in the middle of nowhere without medical intervention. Those feelings suddenly felt silly. Vacations were meant to serve one purpose: relaxation, fun, food and family time. Why was I avoiding this? After our fabulous vacation, Brad and I vowed  to visit Mark & Sara in LA, once a year.

Planning our trip to DC has made ME feel in control, not my disease! I want to visit so many places, and hope to show the kids a good time, while they learn a little bit about the history of this wonderful country. Gone are the days of fear and here are the days of free, fun times. I am no longer afraid to book a hotel or flight two months out. Yes, there's a chance I could end up sick, but we can't predict the future. If anything, I'm learning to live in the moment.


"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page" Saint Augustine