Extremely Suppressed...

This isn't going to be a feel good post, and not everyone will appreciate my point of view. This is strictly my personal opinion. I don't judge those who chose a different path, I just want to educate those who don't understand how a simple quick illness can ravage through an immune compromised body. 

The topic of vaccinating vs. not has been a hot topic as of late. I have friends who are pro vaccination, those who choose not to vaccinate, some who choose not to get the flu shot, both for themselves and their children. Everyone has a right to personal opinion and what they put into their body.  I get that. But let me give you my point of view...

I have been in immunosuppressant medication for over 10 years. Crohn's Disease is at fault. For the last 6 days I have had a stomach virus, or what some call "the stomach flu". Now my son attends daycare, I work outside the home, as does Brad. My step-children attend public school and are constantly exposed to germs. I am not the girl in a bubble, nor would I want to live that way. However, I get sicker than my family, though we all came down with the same virus. Why is this? My body gets hit harder than your average, normal person with a normal immune system.

Case in point, this past week:

I came down with this awful stomach virus at work on Tuesday. I didn't leave the house until I went to urgent care on Thursday night, to get IV fluids. My body doesn't handle sickness well. I cannot replenish fluids as easily. Finally, Saturday  afternoon, I left to grab some  milk and a few other things. I came home exhausted, felt sick and lifeless. It was my first errand in a week.

My parents, Brad, Tyler and two of my step-sons also had the same virus. Most of them were ok within one to two days. Back to work, school, etc. Why was I then home for almost 6 days, with no energy and lacking fluids that my body should compensate for? My pitiful immune system.

So how does this relate to vaccinations?

Remember the articles surfacing the Internet about the doctor who's young daughter has cancer and who's other daughter is too young to receive her measles shot? It's awful that she has to be quarantined for days, while battling the toughest fight of her life, known as cancer. It's quite unfair to add measles to the list. Would you agree?

We all know that a young cancer patient also has a compromised immune system. What if she she goes out in public  (because she has CANCER and deserves to live each day) and someone at the same restaurant she's frequenting with her family has measles, and the young patient contracts them. Now don't you think her body is going through a rigorous enough fight that she doesn't need to add measles to the fight? What will happen to her? If she wasn't doing so hot fighting cancer she definitely isn't going to do any better while fighting the measles.

So why my does this controversial topic get my guts in a state of panic? Not only is it about the spread of measles, but the spread of any illness that makes my immune-suppressed blood boil. While YOUR body may have what it takes to fight a simple cold, a 24 hour bug, the flu, whatever  it is, my body treats like an infectious disease and takes triple the amount of time to fight it. Measles, the flu, a common cold, whatever it is, my body treats it like the plague.

Next time you are sick and come to work, go to the mall, Target or the grocery store, think of people like me. We look healthy, seem fine, but our insides can't handle your germs. Maybe our employers are at fault. If we didn't have to worry about taking sick time, maybe the masses would stay home. When you think about going out in public while sick and can't fathom that a "healthy" looking 30 something woman has a hard time fighting illness, please instead think about the sick little girl who can't fight the common cold, flu or worse the measles.  

*If you're interested in reading my inspiration for this blog post, read the link below! Disclaimer... It's pro-vaccination.

http://babysideburns.com/2015/01/vaccinate-measles/

Taboo

¹ta·boo

 adjective \tə-ˈbü, ta-\

: not acceptable to talk about or do

-Merriam Webster

It seems as though I write about a lot of off limits topics! Taboo, one could say. In the last several years I've dealt with illness, not getting pregnant, IVF, adoption and foster care. Seriously. The last seven years have been pretty difficult. I do, however, believe like Kelly Clarkston sings that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Literally. It's not like the past 7 years have been easy on my family either.

Exactly two months after Brad and I got married, I ended up in the hospital with a grapefruit sized abdominal abscess. While I knew something was wrong, my month long symptoms of vommitting and tiredness led my co-workers to believe I was likely pregnant. Nope, I knew better. But how on earth do you convince those people, whom you don't want to share your medical history with, to understand that it simply wasn't humanly possible. Not only is it embarrassing to explain that you've had a boatload of testing to see why you can't get pregnant, but it's so hard to talk about. That's taboo.

When my best friend was having trouble conceiving, it was heartbreaking to see her disappointment month after month. When she finally got pregnant, a year after trying, I decided that I had to try IVF. It was going to be the only way I could get pregnant. Experiencing pregnacy through my friend's eyes was the closest thing to carrying a baby I will ever have.
After two failed IVF's and one FET I couldn't stand the thought of trying  it again. Month after month of painful shots, not to mention hormones that made me a bitch from Hell and blood work or doctor appointments every.single.day and I was done. So what did I tell my coworkers then? That I couldn't get pregnant so we opted to pay thousnads of dollars just to NOT get pregnant in the end? That's taboo.

Adoption: somewhat private, yet something you want to share with your friends, family and coworkers. What's frustrating is that there are periods where you hear nothing from the adoption agency. When those who care about you ask if anything is new, you smile and say "we haven't heard anything lately". But you repeat this over and over and over again and grow frustrated and upset every single time. It's not their fault, it's just life. 

I'm the kind of person that believes when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. I've tried to turn every experience I've had into something positive. Did I have the right to sit around and cry all day, depressed and sad? Maybe for a day, but as my mom would say "build a bridge and get over it". Not in a mean way, but as a way to move forward. Work through your feelings. The ABSOLUTE best advice I've ever received, while dealing with my woes, is was this:

 "no feeling is permanent", my Dad

This has helped me move on with every feeling I've had; Sadness, anger, frustration, depressed moments (or days). I do know that I have control over my feelings and letting them get me down is NOT an option! 

Take that, taboo topics! 

The Myths & Misconceptions Of Foster Care

foster care

noun

 

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Style: MLA APA Chicago

 

Full Definition of FOSTER CARE:

 

supervised care for orphaned, neglected, or delinquent children or for persons mentally ill in a substitute home or an institution on either a full-time or day-care basis

 

- Merriam Webster 

When I first heard the words "foster care" in regard to adopting a baby, like many others I assumed it was impossible to adopt a baby from foster care. I mean thousands of people spend thousands of dollars on adoption and wait years to make their dreams of building a family come true. Was this too good to be true?!

I remember being in the gym locker room with my friend, the foster care worker, after an evening Zumba class, discussing adoption. As I got to know several participants pretty well, I shared my infertility to adoption journey with them. The love and support they lend, still, years later is touching. As I began to hear my friend's words "you know you can adopt a baby from foster care, right?!" I started to gain hope. That's exactly the moment when my world changed.

I begged for more information. She told me she had a 2 year old on her case load that needed to be adopted.  I was astounded that I had no idea one could adopt from foster care. If I, a 30 something woman, desperate for a baby didn't know, did anyone else know this?! I was anxious to call Brad and ask him his thoughts. Should WE do foster care?! 

It took no time to make our decision; foster to adopt was right for us. Could we be placed with a child that could potentially reunite with his or her parents? Sure, but it was the risk we were willing to take.

Common Misconceptions 

 

Their parents didn't want them

• Most of the time this is the opposite. Their parents DO want them, but often times have trouble keeping clean,  finding a safe place to live or unsafe habits that are extremely difficult to break.

Most foster children are born addicted to substances (alcohol, crack, etc)

• Common? Yes. Every.Single.Time? Absolutely not. My (Foster) son was not born addicted.

Foster care is punishment for the "bad" kids 

• This one kills me. Punishment isn't living in a warm, safe place, compared to on the streets or an unsafe home. Will every foster home be roses and unicorns? No way. There are plenty of foster parents who create a warm, loving home that these kids have craved.

Most foster children her bounced around from home to home

• I've heard this too. But the court system generally looks out for the best interest of the child. Going from home to home certainly isn't healthy for a child trying to form an attachment.

Their biological parents can take them back anytime  

• Reunification is the goal of foster care. If the parent is being compliant there are usually steps they have to take in order to have a simple unsupervised visit with their child. . 

The cycle will never stop. They will abuse drugs just like their parents

• A child in any family can become addicted to drugs or abuse others. It is a lot of work raising a child to become well adjusted. While foster children have additional issues that may par for the course, it doesn't make them a future addict.

If you or anyone you know wants to become a foster parent, contact  855 MICH KIDS

Michigan Foster Care Information
 

 

Dave Thomas Foundation
 

xo Rachel

 

Where Did The Time Go?!

As you can see, my last post was in 2013. Almost exactly 2 years ago. So much has happened in that short amount of time. I would like to say there's good reason that I haven't written, but really, there isn't. Lack of motivation? Certainly not because life was boring. It's just been busy and exciting! That's for sure. 

In the past two years my family and I have been pretty busy, so I will give you a recap of our last several years haur to catch up.

2011-2012: The Year of Doom (or so it felt)...

The year felt like it was devoted to trying to get pregnant. Three failed attempts at IVF/FET left us devastated. That's all she wrote.

2013: There's Hope!

We had some big choices to make. After researching a gestational surrogate (and a generous offer from a friend to help us) on my birthday, we decided to pursue adoption. We signed up with an adoption agency in Michigan. Morning Star Adoption Agency was awesome and left us with a fuzzy feeling and full of hope. A week into being signed up with them I got a phone call from the director.
They had a young woman who had placed her child for adoption just several months ago. She was pregnant again. We had to make a quick decision, which also meant spending about $5,000 and the risk of losing it if the process didn't pan out. After sleeping on it, the situation just didn't feel right. In the end I'm so glad we shied away from it. Turned out the gal wasn't even pregnant. Unfortunately this can be all too common in the adoption world.

Fast forward to August. My gym friend, Tara, a foster care worker, told me about fostering to adopt. It took us no time to agree that this was a viable option and may get us our child even that much faster. Shortly after our decision we were put in touch with our amazing licensing worked. She came out to the house, we took some classes, got finger printed, and within a week she informed us of an adorable little boy named Tyler.

I couldn't wait for Brad to wake up (he works nights) that day. The conversation went something like this "BRAD BRAD KATHY CALLED ME AND SHE KNOWS OF A LITTLE BOY WHO'S  A YEAR OLD AND PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE ADOPTED SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Anyone who knows my also knows how enthusiastic I am anyhow. I am sure Brad thought I was going to jump through the phone at any moment.

As the weeks went on and we hadn't heard anything about Tyler, we both grew anxious. We fought a lot and couldn't enjoy our spare time together because we were always wondering if we'd ever get to meet Tyler, let alone take any baby home. The tension in our household could be cut with a knife.

Fast forward to November. Our licensing worker put us in touch with Tyler's case worker. She tells us that Tyler is living with foster parents who like to be considered Tyler's grandparents. They had no relation to him, but we're older and wanted to always be a part of his life. They treated him like a little prince, which is also the name CPS had coined for Tyler. It was time to move Tyler to "permanent placement" aka OUR home.

The transition to bring Tyler to our home took over a month of daily visits, that turned into overnight visits, that led to weekend visits, ultimately making our "gotcha" date December 13, 2013. The week leading up to bringing Tyler home "for good" was hard. My Dad's only brother passed away and I spent the week with my family in St. Louis. This also meant that I didn't' get to see Tyler. A week of bonding missed, but it was important to be there for my family. Thank goodness for FaceTime.

2014: It all becomes real

Almost one year later, on December 9th, 2014, Tyler's birth mother's rights were terminated. A feeling of relief, sadness, happiness, and a realization that we could move on with our lives. December 9th was also the one year anniversary if my Uncle Rob's passing. I like to think that he played a part in things... call it silly, call it meant to be, God's plan (if you're a believer) whatever it was, it made me smile to know we have a true angel looking out for us.

2014 was pretty amazing. Not only did our family expand with Tyler, but my brother married the love of his life. In August Sara, Mark's gorgeous (inside and out) wife joined the Harris family! Tyler was lucky to be a part of the wedding by being the ring bearer!! 

Tyler with my dad, also known as Papa.

2015: Now the news that everyone has been waiting for... 

NO, Tyler has not been adopted. YET. However, we have big news!! We just got word that we're being moved to an adoption case worker this week!!! This, my friends, is AWESOME news! In a mere 3-6 months Tyler should officially become ours! It's a little bitter sweet too. We LOVE his caseworker. We click with her, she clicks with us. She adores Tyler and has always looked out for his best interest. I think it's safe to say we shall remain friends with her. Thank goodness!

Tyler has not only been a blessing for us, but my parents, Brad's parents, my step-children, and our entire family! People tell us that Tyler is incredibly lucky to have us, but we feel even luckier to have him!!!


xo   Rachel                                                        

 Top: Rachel. Skylar, & Dylan

                                                                                Bottom: Tyler, Brad, Jacob & Austin

                                                                       Christmas Day, 2014

Too Terrified to Travel

Your 20's should be the prime time of your life. Finishing college, traveling, delving into a new career, getting married, having babies. It all sounds amazing doesn't it? I finished college, got married and started a new career (mind you NOT in the field I went to school for). One thing was missing (well, several things, but we won't go there now). Traveling. I was too ill during college to do much in the way of traveling. The 4 plus years I was in school, I think I flew once. It was to Philadelphia when my grandfather passed away. I was 19 and pretty sick, but Prednisone seemed to keep me feeling pretty well.

As I started to plan our Spring Break trip to DC, it hit me like a ton of bricks; I'm 33 and haven't traveled the world, let alone the US! Hell, I haven't even been to DC, San Fran, Baltimore. Let alone Paris, Venice, Israel, Spain, Australia or London. In the past ten years I can probably count on both hands where I've been. It's not that I haven't wanted to travel, I've been too afraid to. I'm not scared to fly, car rides actually are relaxing to me. For the longest time I worried that I would be too far away from my doctors and something terrible would happen. I would need emergency surgery, I'd feel sick and not feel well enough to enjoy my travels, I'd be on a cruise in the middle of the ocean and would need to be airlifted to shore and flown home immediately. It may sound silly to the average Joe, but to someone like me, who's 20's started out with 6 minor surgeries, followed by 3 major surgeries, I was too afraid to leave my comfort zone.

In 2008 Brad and I planned to marry that Spring and had an amazing honeymoon in the works- a cruise in through the Caribbean! We had paid for it in January, planning to set sail from Florida in May. Instead, we married in February and I ended up with an all expenses paid trip to the hospital in April. We had to cancel our planned paradise.  Luckily we got a refund, but we never did get to take a honeymoon, or even a little getaway. We spent our money on other things, like trying to fix up our home and expanding our family (without success).

April of last year was the first time I have taken a vacation in many years.  In my whole adult life, I've never been able to take a whole week off, aside from the times I've been sick or in the hospital. Of course Brad and I have taken trips; driven to St. Louis to visit my family for a long weekend or Chicago to see my parents for a couple days, but I'm talking VACATION, vacation. We took a week off and flew to LA to visit my brother for an entire week. I was terrified to make the plane reservation. What would happen if I got sick between booking the flight and traveling to LA? I had to let go of that feeling. The trip was amazing on so many levels. I got to spend a whole week with Brad, who I barely see for a total of 5 minutes per day, in passing, as I walk in the door from work and he leaves to go to work. We stayed with my brother, Mark, and his then girlfriend, now fiance, Sara and spent lots of time relaxing with them. We ate amazing food, saw gorgeous palm trees, and enjoyed fantastic weather. It was amazing. I suddenly felt free. Free of my fears that I was going to be stranded in the middle of nowhere without medical intervention. Those feelings suddenly felt silly. Vacations were meant to serve one purpose: relaxation, fun, food and family time. Why was I avoiding this? After our fabulous vacation, Brad and I vowed  to visit Mark & Sara in LA, once a year.

Planning our trip to DC has made ME feel in control, not my disease! I want to visit so many places, and hope to show the kids a good time, while they learn a little bit about the history of this wonderful country. Gone are the days of fear and here are the days of free, fun times. I am no longer afraid to book a hotel or flight two months out. Yes, there's a chance I could end up sick, but we can't predict the future. If anything, I'm learning to live in the moment.


"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page" Saint Augustine

Why I'd Rather Not Go Out to Eat....

Ever since I started personal training, I vowed to make some changes to my diet. After all why spend the money to train if I'm not going to feed my body with fuel. I started looking at food differently after my first session with my trainer, who I'll call C. I told her all about my diet restrictions- my body only allowing me to eat complex carbs and a low fiber, low residue diet. I could stomach most sources of protein, eating lots of cheese, chicken and ground turkey. But my downfall is bread and pasta. Who doesn't love a nice piece of crusty French bread?


C suggested that I start with some simple swaps, my favorite being oats and oat flour for traditional unbleached white flour. Done! I can do this. I took her suggestion and scoured Pinterest for recipes. With C's suggestion, I first swapped out unbleached flour for oat flour in my new favorite high protein pancakes (recipe to follow). This is now my signature breakfast. Spread some Chocolate PB2 and it feels more like a treat than a low carb, low fat, healthy meal. Lunch? No problem. Instead of chicken sausage and a little pasta, I now purchase low carb wraps, take some low fat cheese and chicken or turkey and dip in Dijon mustard. My perfect snack? Millet and flax pita chips. And my favorite meal of the day, dinner! I started baking my own chicken fingers. The coating? Egg whites and oat flour mixed with parm, Italian seasoning, garlic, salt and pepper. The best part? I don't feel deprived! I'm still eating carbs, just healthier ones!

The old me would grow tired of eating the same old, same old by Wednesday. I'd run out for a coffee drink at noon to spruce up my lunch. By Thursday I'd be jonesing for Jimmy John's, Panera, Big Apple Bagels, or a naked burritos from Qdoba. See a theme? Food saturated in carbs! Nowadays I'd MUCH rather eat well  at home and save my pennies. It just takes some extra planning. I make batches of chicken fingers and freeze them. Same with pancakes. It makes it less tempting for me to stop for a bagel on the way to work, or at a restaurant for carryout after Zumba.

I'm not interested in eating out, unless it's a special occasion. While I usually make the choice to skip the mayo and always made relatively healthy choices, the amount of calories I probably ate was way more than my body needed anyhow. My advice? Try out these simple swaps! You'll be happy you did!

Crohn-ology: A Brief History of my Illness **Disclaimer** TMI post :)

chro·nol·o·gy

 noun \-jē\

plural chro·nol·o·gies

Definition of CHRONOLOGY

1

: the science that deals with measuring time by regular divisions and that assigns to events their proper dates

2

: a chronological table, list, or account

3

: an arrangement (as of events) in order of occurrence<reconstruct the chronology of the trip>

defined for English-language learners »

See chronology defined for kids »

----http://www.merriam-webster.com/

So you may be wondering why I posted the definition of chronology? Well, let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we.....Where CHRONOLOGY meets CROHN-OLOGY. The most memorable moments in my Crohn's rich life.

(TMI ALERT---IF YOU Don't want to know these dirty details about me, I don't suggest reading this post)

1988: Age 9 on Spring vacation on Florida (fond memories) and I scream bloody murder at the sight of the bright red blood filling the toilet. I'm in immense pain in the butt (and an immense pain in the butt) for the entire rest of the trip. I remember listening to my Dirty Dancing cassette tape to help calm me down. After a number of doctor's visits I am finally referred to Dr. Kirschner at University of Chicago Pediatric Gastroenterolgy. My first colonoscopy was on picture day and my class waited until the very end of the day, just in case I was able to make it for the class photo. I can even remember what I was wearing- a blue and green checked skort with a baby blue t-shirt and Tretorn tennis shoes. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. The one thing I took away from that meeting? People with Crohn's can have curved toenails. I happen to be one of them.

Medications: Azulfadine, Prednisone, Iron, Folic acid

1995: As a junior in high school, the last thing on my mind was having an illness. I was 16, dating, going out on weekends and enjoying my free time. Did I want to think about the illness that would one day turn against me? Not in the least. When my mom and I went for my annual gastro appointment that Spring, I was advised that I would NEVER have issues with Crohn's disease if I haven't at this point in my life. I wish I could SHAKE the doctor that told me that. Boy was he wrong. 

Medications: Pentasa

1997: As a freshman at Western Michigan University, on my own for the first time, living in the dorms, stressed out by school, roommates, making healthy food choices and getting enough exercise, my health began to deteriorate. I threw myself into working out and eating very little. My favorites: grapefruit and Papa John's plain bread sticks (they delivered them to my dorm). I would walk from the Valley all the way to the student rec center, clear across campus. Then I'd partake in a step aerobics class and water aerobics. Academics? I switched my major 3 times that year.

Medications: Pentasa, Levsin

1998: I grow increasingly ill and have little energy. For the second time in my life I'm having a major Crohn's flare up (first being when I was diagnosed). I am referred to an amazing doctor, Karen Sable, MD. She refers me to a colo-rectal surgeon who determines that I have a bunk sphincter. Seriously? I'm 19 and see a colo-rectal surgeon. I'm about 60 years too young to be in this situation. My amazing Surgeon Dr. Theodore Sacclarides of Rush Presbyterian Chicago, prescribes nitroglycerin. No, I'm not a heart patient, this was prescribed to try and contract my non working sphincter. 

Medications: Prednisone, Pentasa, 6MP, Nitro

2001: It's late Spring, 2001. I am newly married, but sick as HELL. I am begging for an ostomy at this point. I'm a full time student and have a full time job at a psychiatric hospital. I feel terrible. My spare time is spent on the couch laying on the heating pad. Had I discovered pain management at this point, I would be stoned on pain meds all the time. I can't sit, lay down or stand without an immense amount of pain. Finally, when I'm sick enough to be admitted to the hospital, I have my colon, rectum and part of my small intestine removed. The med students described my colon like a giant rubber band mass. It was extremely diseased. I am a new version of myself and loving the feeling of health.

2004: Oh brother, here we go again. I'm on vacation and discover that my stoma has a fistula. I know this can't be good. As soon as I get back from a weekend away, I see my surgeon. I don't remember much (must have blocked it out) but had a bowel resection and had more small intestine removed. Good to go... or not. After being released I am rushed back to the hospital only to discover a pocket of fluid around my pancreas. One more week in the slammer.

2008: AKA the worst health year thus far. February brings loss of energy and fevers. April, the weekend of Brad's birthday, I'm hospitalized with a baseball sized mass of fluid. It's drained, and so am I. I'm left with a drain bag hanging from my abdomen and sent on my merry way. In extreme pain, I cannot work. I can't go out into the world either. It's mortifying to have an IV-like bag hanging from my stomach. After getting the "all clear" on my 29th birthday, I am allowed to go back to work, only to be admitted to the hospital on July 4th. My abscess is back. After several hospitalizations later, it's time to schedule yet another surgery. My incredible surgeon, Dr. Rebecca Hoedema, decides to move my stoma and remove another foot of intestines, on September 11th. The recovery was a bumpy road. I developed bronchitis in the hospital and my staples opened up. After a day at home, my closed wound begins to pop open. Terrified as a mother effer Brad rushes me to the ER. There is NOTHING they can do. It's not good to close an open wound. I am horrified, scared, upset, sad. It felt like a tragedy. Almost 6 months later, my scar closes. 

Medications: 6MP, Flagyl, Hydrocodone, Cipro

2012: January- 2 trips to the ER = a few days in the hospital. I have a narrowing in my intestines, yet again. My diet needs to change, STAT. No more salad, fruits, veggies, fiber. 

Medications; Prednisone, Flagyl, Humira

2013: There are days when I feel like my world is going to come crashing down. I know things aren't wonderful with my health now, but I'm treating my body better than I ever have. I'm not eating roughage, I am exercising, getting extra sleep and trying not to let the little things get to me.  I have to tell myself that there could be another day when I will feel sick. It WILL happen. And it will be okay. There are worse things. I'm one strong, stoic, brave, gutsy girl. 

Medications: Humira, Imuran, Prozac (hopefully this will help curb any anxiety that leads to stress inducing flare ups)